The last few days since I asked for prayers for my friends, Doug and Alex, the number one response has been: “How can life be SO cruel to one family?” It’s a question that we shall never know the answer to but we will never stop asking. They’ve faced so much loss together that it’s questionable if they have more family in Heaven or on Earth.
A handful of years ago, Alex and Dough met with Kelly and I for our birth consultation, excited as they should be, preparing for their first birth. Months later we received a message causing both our jaws to drop. Alex quickly developed HELLP Syndrome which lead to the passing of their sweet Dougie in final weeks of pregnancy. Awful. Just heartbreaking.
Not long after, riddled with fear from start to finish, she conceived twice and THANK JESUS, had repeat successful births of their two adorable sons.
Fast forward to September of 2018 when Alex reached out SO excited that she was finally having her GIRL! YAY! Still anxious as ever, she carried on through her pregnancy with great well checks. Last Wednesday she had a healthy non stress test and was sent home as usual. Just as she was relaxing into this pregnancy, pushing away the fear and anxiety of loss, Thursday morning came and just like that, no more kicks or jabs from inside. ::VOMIT:: They went straight back to the Dr to find themselves in the worst deja vu that ever was. She was gone. She got her angel wings an entire lifetime too soon.
Thursday evening, they went to Good Sam for an induction where they were greeted with another baby keepsake grief box instead of the pending excitement of future baby squeals. Alex, the warrior that she is, mustered up the courage to vaginally deliver her angel baby and by Friday evening her body was ready for the tragedy all over again. Baby girl was folded in Frank breech (pike) position with her tiny tush making its way out as the room remained in complete despair and disbelief. ONLY ONE MONTH from her scheduled induction date! ONE.MORE.MONTH. 😩 Once she was placed on mama’s chest it was like I could see the huddle of angels looking down on us. We wept as they celebrated, welcoming Ruby back Home safe in both Alex’s Mom and Grandma’s arms, her namesakes. Ruby (&) Rebecca. Big brother Dougie hugged her letting her know she was too beautiful for Earth and they’re protecting her from all pain she’d face here. Now, she too, only knows love.
Ruby Rebecca was the sweetest and most pretty little angel, looking just like Alex. At 17″ long and 4.2lbs with a full head of hair. They held and kissed their angel without pause. Doug was able to assist in printing her tiny feet and hands, as well as trimming some locks of her hair. 💕 All these things are the only physical proof that she really was here, as her smell on the empty blankets will fade. She too, is their child, just the same as the boys at home. She may have only been held in their arms for less than a day, but she’s held in ALL OF OUR hearts forever. All.of. ours.
Alex had chosen this song early in her pregnancy for her future birth slideshow. Once they heard the news of her passing, the words took on new meaning, which become even more painful to hear. “I get to love you” by Ruelle
After seeing there were no outward signs of trouble with her anatomy, Dr Schnettler *thinks* the cause of demise was from a poor location and weak umbilical insertion to the placenta. Instead of needing a “true knot,” all it took was a twist or two to compress the vessels flowing blood to her. 😔😔 Sweet, sweet, baby girl…
Besides the constant vomit rising in our throats we’ve all felt since last Thursday and the countless tears we’ve shed for you, know that the community surrounds you and lifts you up. I’m so so sorry. I wish this was truly just a nightmare. Much love. Thank you for having me and sharing sweet Ruby with the world. It was an honor and privilege to meet, photograph and love on her (and you guys)! It takes one BA mama to stand up right after all you’ve been through. Props to Doug for being your rock and being there for all that you need. The world needs more truth and reality and being willing to share this raw vulnerability is praise worthy. God is doing big things through you, even if how He’s doing it seems real friggin shitty. You’re His voice right now. 💕💕It’s through moms like you that stay with Him through the darkest of times that are teaching the rest of us how to walk the right path. 😘😘😘